Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
