Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
