i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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