Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
