I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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