Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
