I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
