dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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