She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
