I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
