So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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