I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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