I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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