Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
