Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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