I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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