I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
