You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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