We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He passed out mid-signature
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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