Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
