I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He felt like a one man threesome
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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