You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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