If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
