dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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