Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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