she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
