You made me cry and you don't even care
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
