I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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