You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
