I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
