Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
