so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
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I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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