I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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