My room smells like vodka and shame
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
