honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Another day, another engagement, another cat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
