Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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