I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
