I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
