we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
