You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
