If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
