What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
