ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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