did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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