Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
