idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
