just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
