I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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