just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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