You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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