Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
