im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
