I accidentally burped into my bong.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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