i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Found your dick twin last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
