You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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