Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
