I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
