Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
