Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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