this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
