spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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