Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
