If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
