SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
